7 Steps to Upgrading Your Life
In 1978, I heard a story that really impacted my life and helped me define change. After all, change in life comes to us all. The story is about two men, Duane and Gary. Gary was watching Duane fish on a pier in California and noticed something curious. Whenever Duane caught a big fish, he would throw it back into the ocean, but whenever he caught a smaller fish, he would put it into his fish bucket to take home.
Gary watched Duane for a while until finally, his curiosity got the best of him. He walked up to Duane and said, “Say sir, I’ve been watching you fish for a while, and it seems to me you’re doing something a bit strange. Every time you catch a big fish, you throw it back, and every time you catch a small fish, you keep it. I’m just curious. Why do you do that?”
“Oh, that’s easy!” Duane said. “I’ve only got a 10-inch skillet at home!”
The truth is, sometimes in life we can’t take the new wine—or the bigger fish— because we only have a 10-inch skillet.
When we face challenges we need to overcome in order to move forward, it’s time for us to follow the law of change. We must be willing to leave behind what is familiar and comfortable.
In John 5, we read the story of the man at the pool of Bethesda. The man had been suffering for thirty-eight years, which is an incredibly long time. One day, Jesus came to a man and asked him and incredibly important questions: “Do you want to be made well?”
This seems like a strange question to ask, but sometimes—like this man—we get so familiar with our limitations and so comfortable with our 10-inch skillet, when somebody comes along and wants to help us get a new wineskin or a 16-inch skillet, we freeze. We feel uncomfortable.
If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land (Isaiah 1:19).When God spoke these words through the prophet Isaiah, evidently, there were some people who weren’t willing and obedient, and because of that, they didn’t get to experience the blessing God had for them. We must be willing to grow and change.
To implement the change in your life, there are seven helpful things you can do. I call them “Seven Ways to Upgrade Your Skillet.” The first one involves your willpower.
# 1: ENGAGE YOUR WILL
To disrupt a pattern in your life, you must realize that you are like God in your power to choose.
You can change anything in your life. You can be anything you want to be.
People tend to simply drift in the river of life, flowing whichever way the current takes them. Forces of mediocrity, feelings of inadequacy, and false beliefs are always trying to persuade you that you cannot be any different than you are right now. But you can resist this conspiracy. You can swim upstream toward your own transformation. You can choose to change.
Regardless of where negative influences originate, they can be resisted. A thoughtless mom may continually tell her son that he will never amount to anything, but that child can choose to accept or reject his mother’s words. Many people simply choose to believe disabling information. They use it as an excuse to never change or try. In Romans 12:2, the Bible tells us not to be conformed to this world, not to let the world squeeze us into its mold. You have a tremendous capacity to resist anything that hinders your potential. You can choose your dreams.
# 2: TAKE CONTROL
Another important step in upgrading your skillet is to realize that life is waiting on you. Even God is waiting to see how you will act! He is waiting to see what choices you will make. He is waiting to see what you’ll do.
Little children have no problem choosing what they want. They go into a toy store and say, “I want that toy!” Adults, however, have been conditioned to go with the flow. We have learned not to be disruptive and to just accept whatever life brings us. When we accept everything that comes our way, we may end up where we never wanted to be. It’s natural and good to have our own desires and dreams! We just have to choose them.
Your choices have to be stronger than mere wishes, though.
Some people would like to have a million dollars. Some people would like their marriages to be repaired. You do not get where you want to go in life just because you would like to, just like you do not receive what you need just because you need it. Life doesn’t work that way. Making a wish list is important, but it does not make those wishes come to fruition. Only your will and your efforts can make what you wish for real. You only experience personal change when you make a committed decision to do so.
#3: LET YOURSELF GRIEVE
You must let go of the past. Paul said, “One thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:13-14). You cannot grab hold of new behaviors and habits if you cling to old ones. There are two parts to the disruptive innovation process: disrupt the old habits and innovate the new.
Take time to identify the negative behaviors in your life. Write out the things that are harmful about them and the benefits you will receive from being free. Doing so will help you make the decision to say goodbye to those negative behaviors forever.
We use the word decision a lot, and the meaning of the word is truly powerful. In the Latin, decision literally means to cut off from. When you make a quality decision, you are cutting yourself off from the things that are harmful to you.
Have a funeral to say goodbye to things that are simply not good for you.
Every funeral brings grief. When you decide to quit smoking and someone offers you a cigarette, you experience a grieving process when you refuse it. That grieving process is healthy, and thankfully, the grief diminishes as your resolve grows with each refusal. If you don’t go through this grieving process, though, then you are still living in a certain level of denial. You have not accepted the fact that you are changing. You have not really said goodbye.
A key to successfully going through the grieving process is to identify all the things that were harmful in the situation. This course of action allows you to grieve but stay on track toward change by exploring new possibilities for your life. Once you have discovered new and healthy behaviors and situations, commit to those innovations.
#4: SEE THE POSSIBILITIES
You must start seeing the new possibilities in your life. Many people feel trapped, waiting for some outside force to bring change to them. I once heard someone say, “Many people die at age twenty-one, but they are not buried until they are sixty-five!” Unfortunately, that’s true. People get stuck in certain behavior patterns because they believe it is impossible for them to break free.
All too often, people stay stuck because of pain in their past. Maybe they were not loved as children. Maybe damaging words were spoken to them at a vulnerable time in their life. We can all agree that everyone has a right to be loved and damaging words should be replaced with life-giving words. But once hurt, people have a decision to make—a decision that will affect the rest of their lives. Will they see the possibilities in their lives and change? Or will they continue to live as victims, focusing on their pain? Jesus knew that some people do not truly want to be made well because being made well would take them out of what is comfortable and familiar, so at the pool of Bethesda, He asked the lame man if he wanted to be made well ( John 5). The man replied that he had no one to put him into the healing pool.
He was so busy looking at the problem, he missed seeing the Healer standing right in front of him!
When his eyes were opened to that possibility, he was instantly healed.
#5 : CHALLENGE THE LIES
When you begin to see possibilities for your life, you have to challenge the lie that you are trapped. You can make new choices. There is not one person reading this article who is permanently trapped. Everyone has possibilities!
If you think you are trapped, you are believing a lie. God can and will help you change your circumstances if you are willing to move out of your comfort zone. Are you willing to look at the possibilities rather than focusing on the problem? God is the master of change! It’s time to stop complaining that there is no one to put you in the healing waters; go ahead and let the Healer touch you.
# 6: CHANGE ENVIRONMENTS
After you have challenged the lie that you are trapped, move yourself into a different environment. If you had been born in another country, you would be very different from the way you are today. You would possess the same cells and the same blood, but you would be drastically different. Why? Because you are, in part, a product of your environment. Your environment has a tremendous influence on you.
Before you think I am telling you to move to another state, divorce your spouse, or quit your job, you need to understand that your environment is both inside and outside you. A move to another state might help, but the main change must take place in your thoughts and feelings. You must move your mind to a new environment. You can do this using books, sermons, movies, and even new friends who will bring up new conversations.
Move yourself into an environment that stirs your imagination and lets you dream again.
Move to the kind of environment that places you around new friends, people who will pull you up instead of push you down. Find people who are doing what you would like to do, people who are strong and healthy in their beliefs. Talk to them. Limit or leave the company of people who do nothing but complain.
It is imperative that you move toward a new environment, not just away from an old one. People who only move away from something inevitably end up back in the same kind of place they were trying to leave. Amazingly, they find the same problems in the new place. Most people need to change their mental approach in order to see the possibilities for their situation. Take inventory of your mental and spiritual environments—as well as the physical—because all these environments influence your entire outlook on life.
# 7: THINK DIFFERENT THOUGHTS
For change to be cemented in your life, you must learn how to use the law of the mind. When you make a decision to change, the law of the mind goes to work to make your decision a reality. Read this next statement carefully: Your thoughts, plus your feelings, equals your beliefs:
Thoughts + Feelings = Beliefs Your beliefs affect your behavior, and your behavior affects the results you get in your life. If you do not like the results you are getting, it’s time to change your beliefs.
In order to change your beliefs, you must purposely direct the law of the mind. We tend to automatically take the path of least resistance, functioning at our lowest mental capacity. Disabling influences are always trying to impede our progress. They work to make us victims to the pressures of life.
Your will can control your thoughts. You can choose what to think. You are not programmed like a computer. A computer simply runs the software you put into it. A computer cannot refuse to run a program when you ask it to.
Thoughts come from four sources: information, personal experiences, memories and imagination. By the power of your will, you can choose what information you put into your mind. You can also choose what meaning you derive from your personal experiences. It is not what happens to you that shapes you. It is the definition and meaning you attach to these events that makes the difference.
Memories are mental tapes from past experiences that we can replay. Our minds hinder us by replaying all past mistakes and inadequacies on repeat. But guess what? We have the power to change that pattern. You can choose to dwell on memories that will empower rather than disable you. Your will gives you the power to choose what you think! You can open or shut the gate of your thinking on any given thought and choose your point of focus. Yes, it will require a lot of work to strengthen your will and redirect your thoughts to better things. The ability to disrupt negative areas of your life begins by engaging your will to carefully pick the thoughts on which you will dwell.
You can change anything in your life when you realize you have the power of choice. You can upgrade your skillet by implementing the law of change.
Let go of the past and start seeing the possibilities!
Challenge the lie that you are trapped, and move into an environment that will bring you new information. Be aware of the thoughts and feelings that are forming your current beliefs, then consciously choose new thoughts and actions that will move you toward the results you desire. The possibilities are endless when you learn how to disrupt negative forces in your life. Go for it—life is waiting on you!
