Jesus Opened my Spiritual Eyes on Forgiveness
Forgiveness opens the door of Heaven to our relationships.
I want to tell you a story that illustrates that truth so powerfully. We’ve lived in the former Soviet Union since 1991. Once when we were ministering in Ukraine, a lovely lady was leading worship and I had the opportunity to talk to her. She was there with her son and her husband, who she said was her second husband. I knew enough to realize that if she was happily married, something had to have taken place in her heart regarding her first husband.
I said to this woman, “Well, you have a beautiful family. So how was it with your first husband?” (I felt free to ask that question because we were close and were having a heart-to-heart conversation.)
She answered, “Well, I’ll tell you my story. After I married my first husband, he became an abusive alcoholic. He even abused our son, which affected him mentally — so, finally, I divorced him.”
After this woman divorced her husband, she heard the Gospel, received Jesus, and got filled with the Holy Spirit. After a while, she started getting more and more inwardly bothered by a thought she couldn’t seem to escape: I’ve got to forgive this man. A great work of the Holy Spirit was going on inside of her.
Later the woman got married, and she noticed that she was starting to accuse her second husband of the same offenses her first husband had been guilty of — but her second husband wasn’t even doing those things. It was all in her mind. She was still hooked to the offender through unforgiveness, and she was bringing the ill effects of that inner “hook” into her second marriage.
This woman could only see her second husband through the lens of the pain and hurt of her first husband. And to add to her pain, every day she saw the effects of her first husband’s cruelty and abuse in her son, who had suffered some mental disabilities as a result. But even with her soul screaming so loudly with the pain of what she had gone through, she was convicted in her spirit that she needed to forgive her first husband. She prayed about it often: “God, please free me from this bitterness. I know I have to forgive him.”
One day the woman was cleaning out her apartment that was filled with things that needed to be thrown away. By the end of a day of hard work, she had stuffed many bags with trash to throw out and was so pleased with all the work she had done.
Then the woman looked over and saw a tiny piece of paper on the counter and immediately thought, I’d better get that. At that instant, the Holy Spirit spoke to her heart: “Do you see that big pile of trash that you’ve gathered and are so proud of?”
She answered, “Yes, Lord, I’m so happy to get rid of all that trash!” The Holy Spirit continued, “The debt you owed Me is like that huge pile of trash. And do you see that tiny piece of paper? That’s like the debt of offense and pain your ex-husband owes you. In comparison to the weight of sin I removed from you, his offense is very small.”
That was the moment of revelation this woman needed. Right then, she forgave her first husband and released him from the debt of offense he owed her. And it wasn’t long afterward that God healed her son!
Forgiveness is truly one of the most important things that we do in our walk with God because we were forgiven. If He hadn’t forgiven us, there would be no hope of Heaven, no love of God in our hearts, nor the ability to forgive. There would be no hope of all the benefits He’s given us — healing, soundness of mind, peace, and so much more. But God did forgive us, so it is our responsibility to say, “Father, I also choose to forgive.”
We have the power to do what God requires of us. He gave us the Holy Spirit to dwell within us, and we have the love of God shed abroad by the Spirit in our hearts. We just have to avail ourselves of that love by faith and say, “Lord, I know that You and I can do this together. I can forgive and release those who have offended me. Lord, You know what they did to me. But You also know all that I have done to grieve You. Yet You paid my debt; You went to hell for me so I wouldn’t be punished; You forgave me. Now it’s my turn to forgive every person who has hurt or wronged me and to release them from the debt they owe me.”
Forgiveness is a really big thing with God. It is the reason He was able to redeem us. He brought us into reconciliation with Himself through the forgiveness of sin.
This subject of forgiveness is so important that Jesus even said, “If you don’t forgive, I won’t forgive you” (see Mark 11:25). Since we need the forgiveness and mercy of God, we have to give the forgiveness and mercy of God. We have to acknowledge and act on His love that has been shed abroad in our hearts and on the power that is within us to forgive.
A Personal Testimony
I personally know the power of forgiveness — and the destructive power of not forgiving. More than 20 years ago, I found myself locked in a prison of unforgiveness for a few years. I didn’t even really know how to forgive. I just thought I was right and the other person was wrong and needed to change.
The bitterness that was inside me was causing bad things to happen in my body, and I began experiencing frightening symptoms. My hands were numb and cold all the time. My feet were cold all the time. Even my face became cold. I started having panic attacks when I didn’t even know what a panic attack was! Three different times when I walked into a room of people, I immediately turned to Rick and said, “I’ve got to get out of here.” (You can read my full testimony in my book The Gift of Forgiveness.)
I’m telling you, the enemy is serious about taking us out.
I knew from what I was experiencing during those years that something was seriously not right. So I was in the Word of God every day and at every opportunity, whenever I could snatch a moment. And if my thoughts were telling me that I was crazy, I would put on praise and worship music and just sing and sing and sing until peace returned to my mind.
I just kept sowing so much Word into my heart, because I did not want to be in the prison I was in. At that time, I didn’t even know the fullness of John 20:21-23. I didn’t know I had put someone else in a prison through my lack of forgiveness.
But then came the moment of revelation. (I go into more detail about this breakthrough in Chapter 6.) In that moment, the Lord helped me see His perspective on the situation — so different than what I had been living with for two years. And in that moment, I forgave.
When I woke up the next morning, my hands were completely normal again. My feet were no longer cold. My face became normal. It was as if Jesus reached inside my heart with His invisible hand and removed that ugly root of bitterness that had tormented me and even affected my physical health.
All that time I had allowed that root of bitterness to fester in my soul, I had also felt rejected. Rejection was screaming at me, but I had given an entrance to it through unforgiveness. At that time, I didn’t know what an open door unforgiveness is for the enemy to come in and harm our bodies, our minds, and our relationships. I hadn’t yet identified who the tormentors, or torturers, were that come when we refuse to forgive and release others from their debt of sin against us (see Matthew 18:34).
When I was going through this ordeal, I had already been a Christian for a long time. I had read about the torturers in Jesus’ parable in Matthew 18 many times without understanding its relevance to my own life. But when I was struggling through those two years with cold hands, cold feet, and fear running through my heart continually, it was like I had a vice clamped on my head. I’d have to put on praise-and-worship music and sing and sing and sing until I was once again thinking sound thoughts.
I was being visited by the unseen torturers that we are “delivered over to” when we harbor unforgiveness toward others. Those tormenters are real.
But in one night, I was set free! Jesus opened my spiritual eyes to help me see a different perspective on the matter. I forgave the offense, and I woke up the next morning in a totally different world! My hands, my feet, my face, my mind — I was completely healed and free!
Unstoppable
Denise Renner
