The Curse of Unforgiveness: 3 Major Consequences

While it is true that forgiveness is costly, unforgiveness is even more costly.

In the final analysis, both are costly but in entirely different ways. Though forgiveness is painful in the initial stages, the ultimate end is healing. When someone hurts us, forgiveness means giving up our right to hurt that person back. On the other hand, unforgiveness produces immediate bitterness and spiritual barrenness now, and, ultimately, it leads to a host of other destructive consequences. As Nelson Mandela once said, “Bitterness is a poison you drink that kills you before the other man dies.” What are the results of that corrosive culprit called bitterness?

The first consequence of not forgiving is spiritual death. As we have already seen, when we don’t forgive others, God withholds grace from us. We cannot overstate the seriousness of this truth. Unforgiveness is unforgivable! A person who cannot forgive is a person who has not been forgiven. When God, in mercy, saves a lost soul, He implants within that soul the ability to forgive. I am not saying that a Christian is incapable of harboring resentment. But cannot forgive and will not forgive are two different things. A true Christian can forgive when he chooses. Unforgiveness in a child of God is an awful thing. It kills every ounce of spiritual vitality. How often have you witnessed the deterioration and plummet of a bitter Christian? He who does not forgive destroys the bridge over which he, himself, must pass. As long as he covers his sin, he cannot prosper. (See Proverbs 28:13.)

Mark makes a definite connection between unforgiveness and unanswered prayer: “What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses” (Mark 11:24-25). This great prayer promise concludes with a condition and a serious warning: “…forgive…that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses” (Mark 11:25). Unforgiveness bars God from even hearing our prayers. The psalmist said, “If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me” (Psalm 66:18). Cherishing sin closes the ear of God. If you choose to disobey by not forgiving, God chooses not to listen when you pray. How many prayers are unanswered because of an unforgiving heart? If you have a track record of unanswered prayer, the first place to check is your unforgiveness list.

When unforgiveness is present, we do not sense God’s presence. The psalmist said, “In thy presence is fulness of joy” (Psalm 16:11). God hides Himself when we wallow in pity, develop ingrown eyeballs, and harbor resentment. Focused on self, we lose all sense of God. As stated earlier, we are shut up in a spiritual vacuum. The absence of God’s personal presence means we no longer experience joy.

Once I heard a story about an airplane that crashed on a snow-covered mountaintop. To survive, those still living began to cannibalize their fellow passengers who had perished in the crash. The tragedy is that nobody left the crash site. No one bothered to explore the other side of the mountain. If someone had, he would have discovered a bustling ski resort. The survivors all stayed at the crash site devouring the corpses of their fellow passengers. There they sat feeding on death instead of looking for a way of escape. We must leave the devastating places where we have been to find our way in the future. Feeding on dead things is no way to live! The point is that so often God’s blessing is right in front of us. We experience His blessing when we turn our backs on resentments and other sins that hide His face. (This was a sermon illustration so I was unable to verify its accuracy.)

Again, as Nelson Mandela said, “Bitterness is the poison you drink that kills you before the other man dies.” Bitterness not only kills the person who harbors it but also infects others with its deadly poison. The defiling fountain of bitterness is not content to remain alone; it seeps out and poisons everything it touches. Bitter preachers pollute congregations. The sins of the parents are often passed down to the children. When Christian leaders are mistreated, they must guard against bitterness. If not, their own offspring are likely to grow up despising God, the faith, and the church. When offended church members spill out their deadly poison at home, it is no wonder that their children are cynical and cold toward Christianity. We are exhorted, “Follow peace with all men…lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled” (Hebrews 12:14-15). The picture here is not of a placid pool but of a gushing, corrupt spring. Though some try to hold it in, the acid of bitterness is sure to eat through the container walls and contaminate others.

Indulging in the sin of unforgiveness not only puts a stumbling block before one’s family but also offends unsaved and weaker Christians. Romans 14:13 warns against putting a stumbling block in someone else’s path. It is better to suffer loss than to offend others. Jesus stated that it would be better to be thrown overboard into the ocean with a millstone about one’s neck than to offend one of His little ones. (See Matthew 18:6.) Infecting a child with attitudes of hatred surely fits in the category of offending a little one. How many children have been hindered because of the stumbling block of unforgiveness?

Another destructive consequence of unforgiveness is emotional depression. Statistics tell us that many Americans suffer from this problem. Isolation during Covid lockdowns has caused mental health problems for many. Certainly, this condition can have a variety of causes. But who would deny that, in many cases, depression and anxiety are caused by pent-up hostility and unresolved hurt from broken relationships?

In contrast, the article “The Power of Forgiveness” by Lisa Collier Cool in the May 2004 issue of Reader’s Digest suggests that forgiveness offers many health benefits. According to a study called “The Forgiveness Project,” letting go of a grudge can slice one’s stress level by up to 50 percent. Statistics also show that forgiveness improves our energy levels, moods, sleep patterns, and overall physical vitality. On the other hand, carrying around bitter and angry feelings is toxic to the body due to a release of the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol. According to studies, brief releases of these hormones are harmless, but prolonged stress brought on by bitterness or anger turns these helpful hormones into toxins (Medicine, 2022).

The human spirit is our greatest asset when healthy but a handicap when broken. “The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?” (Proverbs 18:14). A damaged spirit is intolerable. Therefore, we must exercise the will to forgive when harsh blows fall.

A wounded spirit can be a debilitating force, especially when bitterness becomes an obsession. Detrimental side effects naturally follow in the wake of depression. Irrationality, the inability to think clearly, is a cognitive impairment that often results. The mind is short-circuited, and thinking processes become warped. Often the mind continually dwells on the same things. Over and over, the mind reviews the same trash. The problem can become so severe that one is totally incapacitated.

Improper relationships are also significant because of the unnecessary stress they bring. Tension, nervousness, and various types of mental illness are a few of the adverse results of disobedience in this area. The human body is not designed to house these repercussions. Praise the Lord for giving us clear steps for seeking to resolve conflicts.

In addition, unforgiveness has physical consequences. In a sermon, Rick Johnson once said, “Bitterness does more damage to the container in which it is stored than to the object on which it is poured.” The human body cannot properly function with a spiritual cancer eating away at it. As we have seen, medical science claims that anger, bitterness, and hatred adversely affect the human body. Many illnesses, including heart disease, high blood pressure, ulcers, and a whole array of physical disorders, may be caused by this sin. It is only natural that a man’s spiritual and emotional state should affect the health of his body. “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones” (Proverbs 17:22).

When bitterness becomes a way of life instead of an isolated occurrence, it depletes the body. One physician told me that a lot of health complaints have spiritual roots. He began to prescribe my first book on forgiveness instead of treating symptoms with drugs. A free spirit and a joyful heart have a positive impact on physical health.

Dale Carnegie told the story of a grizzly bear in Yellowstone National Park. The bear was eating garbage someone had piled in a clearing. Probably the most ferocious animal in North America, the grizzly doesn’t have many challengers. But while the bear was eating, a skunk appeared in the clearing and began eating too. Though the skunk rudely intruded, the bear didn’t do anything, and they shared the food. Why? Because the bear knew the high cost of getting even!

Life is too short to live with the destructive consequences of unforgiveness. It’s just not worth it. Obedience brings blessing, and one of life’s greatest blessings is the inner healing forgiveness brings. Disobedience in this area, as in any other, carries a high price tag. Forgiveness is not a suggestion; it’s a commandment. What’s wonderful is that God never requires anything of us except what His grace enables us to do. The Lord never asks us to do anything without giving us the ability to carry out His directives. Because God requires forgiveness, failure to forgive brings negative consequences: “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap” (Galatians 6:7). Aren’t you glad for the grace of God, which enables us to forgive?