4 Tips for Ministering to Someone Struggling with Homosexuality

Christians are called to be active participants in not only bringing people to Christ but in disciplining them according to biblical principles and Kingdom living.

Here are some things to consider as you minister to someone struggling with homosexuality in your church or community.

1) Consult with experts working in this area

If you have not researched or done any studying in this area, you are already behind when a member or loved one struggling with same-sex attraction comes to you for help. By reading and speaking with people who have overcome this struggle, you can prepare yourself, your leaders, and your congregation to assist in the healing process. As Scripture tells us, “Refuse good advice and watch your plans fail; take good counsel and watch them succeed (Proverbs 15:22, MSG).

2) Assess the situation

Those who have struggled share many common experiences—abuse, rejection, and abandonment— however, every person is unique and not everything affects everyone the same way. Take the time to listen to people’s stories so that you can get a better understanding of what they have been through and their issues. Assessing where they are will help you develop the road map to their healing.

3) Love them where they are

People who have struggled with same-sex attraction will have had detachment from their true masculine or feminine selves in varying degrees. Their outward appearance and speech may not match what you are accustomed to from a man or woman. They have often spent years developing what you see and hear on the outside, so you cannot expect it to all change overnight. You have to exemplify God’s unconditional love, no matter what you see.

4) Lead them to where they are going

Once people make a decision to leave behind the homosexual lifestyle, they will begin a long, painful, and lonely journey. Perhaps their motive for seeking help comes simply from a desire to leave the lifestyle or maybe it is from having an encounter with Christ. Regardless, they will be looking to you for guidance. Here are three points to remember as you are helping someone go through the process of change.

• The choice must be theirs and theirs alone. They have to make the decision to engage in the process, because they will have to do all of the work.

• This process is done imperfectly, but it ultimately requires completely leaving the old behind. You can’t have one foot in and the other one out. There is no “step down” process for coming out of this struggle—they must go cold turkey. But make sure they do not feel pressured to do so. This must happen only when they are ready and not a moment sooner.

• Surround them with support. When they have severed ties with those connected to this lifestyle, they will be left with a tremendous void. The following are different types of helpful support:

*An Uplink—Identify someone who has already walked through this process who will be able to talk with and encourage them.

*Accountability Partners—These will be people who are familiar with the process and the person’s struggle with same-sex attraction. They must be committed to consistency in order to be a reliable force in their life.

No matter where someone fits in this process, accountability is crucial for all involved. As a spiritual leader, it is your responsibility to monitor the relationships of all those involved in order to ensure proper boundaries are kept and the one who is struggling does not end up in an inappropriate relationship with someone who is supposed to be helping them.

*Restoration Team—These are individuals who may have never struggled with same-sex attractions, but are committed to other areas of this person’s development. The focus of the team is to help restore to wholeness the spirit and soul of the person.

Janet Boynes Ministries is committed to helping keep families together, in spite of the situation going on in the home. We have trained spiritual leaders who are ready to help those who are struggling with same-sex attraction, as well as equip pastors and parents as they surround and minister to those who want out of the homosexual lifestyle. I would encourage you to call the ministry hotline listed at the end of the book.

As a person begins the process of deliverance, more issues may surface. The more they become comfortable with you, the more they may reveal. The road may be bumpy and they may even fall off track, but you must be committed for the long haul. You may find them going through times of anger, depression, and rebellion; do not take it personally. They are processing a lot and may be prone to lash out at those closest to them—which may be you.

It is tempting to want to fix the person. However, your ultimate goal is not to see someone walk out of homosexuality into heterosexuality but into wholeness and a path of obedience to Christ. If you sense that the person requires more help than you can provide, do not hesitate to refer them to professional counselors, physicians, or a valid ministry in order to address their underling emotional wounds and physical problems, which may have manifested due to their struggles. Do what you can do, and believe God will handle the rest.

A major key to success for people who are leaving any sinful habit or carnal desire is to teach them who they are in Christ. If they have given themselves to Christ by asking Jesus into their heart, then they have become a new creature in Christ, the old person has passed away and now all things are new (1 Corinthians 5:17). This may seem strange to the individual at first because from all outward appearances, they seem like the same person. They need to understand that it is their spirit that has become new. Their spirit is the real person and not their body, emotions, and mind.

Even someone who has been a Christian for many years may still be living by what they feel and think instead of by who God said they are in His Word. This is a defeated way to live and the joy of the Christian life will escape them. For example, someone struggling might say that they seem powerless when tempted with sin. But that is not what the Bible says about them. First John 5:4 says, “For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith”(NLT). It is so important for the one who is struggling to begin seeing himself the way God sees him. God has placed everything needed inside his born-again spirit. The task is now to learn about all the spiritual weapons and all the attributes of the divine nature he now has access to. This is a process that all believers must go through if they desire to live a victorious, fruitful life. This is such an important truth.

People cry out to God asking Him to please deliver them, but Jesus already came and defeated sin. Now as His children, we must apply His victory to our own lives by renewing our minds with the spiritual truths found in the Bible. This will take perseverance. Our life experiences will begin to line up with who God says we are when we fill ourselves with His promises and speak them out of our own mouth. There is no sin that can dominate our lives when we walk in His Word and Spirit!

I want to share a story of a friend who reaches out and ministers to the gay community in an unconventional way…

My Experience as a Missionary to the Gay Community

What does it mean to love someone? I mean, what does it really look like to love a person? Now that’s the million-dollar question; in fact, it may be the very reason you are reading this. We look at this question, not only in the context of our immediate life, but also to understand our world’s view. The current worldview is total acceptance of and empowerment to the gay community. In the context of our world’s view and your own, I ask again: What does it mean to love someone?

Hello, my name is Jason. I am 27 years old and married to a lovely woman. I am a normal guy; I like sports, art, movies, and the outdoors. Maybe in some ways I’m not so normal, I am a conservative Christian. I believe in the Bible and what it says about homosexuality. Not a popular view, but the right view. Here is the kicker. With this view of God’s standard of men and women, marriage and heterosexual relationships, I am also a missionary to the gay community through gay pride festivals. Still with me? I would like to share what I have learned about love—the kind of love Jesus has for us—love without compromise, but with a desire to see people set free through the pure and simple message of the gospel.

First, let me share that I go with my parents to gay pride events, working alongside of them. They are my inspiration to do this. They have been doing it for years, faithful to the call God has placed on their lives. It is not an easy missionary field—who wants to go to a community that celebrates the gay lifestyle?

Over the years, people have asked my parents why they “cast their pearls before swine” (Matthew 7:6). To the average Christian, sex is a topic that is seldom discussed openly. To go to a place where sex is not only celebrated, but celebrated outside of God’s original plan, seems downright foolish. So why do it? Why go to such great lengths to meet the gay community where they are at—a gay pride event? Love. Pure and simple.

My parents taught me that God has compassion for the person caught in the homosexual lifestyle. God showed my parents this is not a political issue of gay rights; it is about God wanting to set the homosexual male or the lesbian woman free. It is the message of the gospel—freedom. It is what He died for on the cross. Love.

It is important to see the person, not just the issue. I have had the privilege of participating in this missionary field and sharing the good news of Christ. My parents and I have hearts of compassion and desire to give out the message of Christ by handing out free Bibles, sharing our testimony, listening to their stories, and just loving on them. Galatians 5:14 says, “For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (NLT). The gay community is not our enemy, and Christians should not be theirs. We have seen God do amazing things through this mission field as we are compelled to reach a group of people who are not certain of our motives or our love.

So back to our original question: What does it mean to love somebody? It is caring enough for them to share the gospel. It is caring enough to want to see them set free. It is caring enough to love, even when they are unlovable. It is following God’s example and leading. God cared enough to send His Son to die on the cross, that none should perish. That is the truest love of all.