To Someone Struggling with Same-Sex Attraction:

To the struggler who grew up in a Christian home, to the one who up till now had no idea about the love of God, and to the one who still questions if God is real: Jesus loves you.

Your struggle is not a sign of anger from God. Your struggle is not a curse or punishment because of something you did or did not do. You are deeply loved with an unquenchable love that is so good, it’s hard to believe. Matthew 11:28-30 in the Message says, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me — watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Jesus is offering you rest for your soul, peace that can’t be explained, and a joy that is unspeakable! This is what Jesus is offering you!

I won’t disregard the weight of your pain by lecturing you or telling you to get over it. We both know that if it were that easy, you would not be reading this. I do, however, want to share the beauty of the cross with you. What it means to bring our mess, our baggage, and our shame to the feet of the cross of Jesus where freedom is granted and not earned.

Seeing Jesus for who He truly is removes every ounce of hesitation. Surrender becomes a delight in light of His precious gift of life. Following Christ can sometimes be painted as a dreadful experience, when in fact, it is exhilarating and adventurous.

God’s take on homosexuality is clear, and I don’t need to remind you of that. We know where He stands on the issue. Let me remind you, however, that He doesn’t condemn you to a life of misery and never-ending struggle. His invitation goes further than just offering you forgiveness. His invitation is for you to live a life of prosperity and victory here on earth.

While being financially stable is great, that’s not all I mean when I say prosperity. Prospering is being successful, flourishing, and thriving in every area of your life. As children of God, we are not designed to live apart from Him, although many of us do not live the life for which we are destined.

You may ask, how does this help me with my same-sex attraction? Knowing God is the key. Your perspective of who He is will either draw you to Him or move you away from Him. Focusing on Jesus and all that He says about you, fixing your eyes on Him and all that He offers you, rather than constantly trying to change how you feel, makes all the difference.

If you struggle with pornography and you really try to stop watching it, for a week or a month, you might be able to do it. However, I can guarantee you that you will go back to watching porn. Why? Because the need that drove you to it is still there.

I don’t want you to focus on your weaknesses and struggles. The key is to pursue Jesus wholeheartedly. He asks that we love Him with all our heart, soul, strength, and mind. If we are conscious about this, and we are living purposely for Him, I can promise you that everything else will fade into the background. The chains that once bound you will no longer hold you. Only with Jesus’ help can we overcome sin. Paul makes this point in Romans 7:17-25, MSG:

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin with- in me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it. I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me overtly rebels, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but I am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

The key to walking in complete victory over our sin, our emotions, and fleshly struggles is agreeing with Jesus and reinforcing sin’s defeat in our own lives. “How do we do that?” You are probably asking. The answer is that we focus, meditate, and speak out the promises found in God’s Word that tell us who we are in Christ.

There are dozens of verses in the Bible that include the phrases, “In Him,” and “In Christ.” When temptation comes our way, we should be prepared with specific verses of Scripture that we are ready to meditate on and say aloud.

Remember, Jesus was tempted by the devil in the wilderness in Matthew Chapter 4. For each temptation that came against Him, He quoted a verse of scripture back at the tempter. Ephesians 6:10-18 lists for us all the spiritual weapons that are at our disposal. Verse 17 says that we must take the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. We must use it.

Jesus already stripped the devil of his authority, and now we, as Christians, need to enforce the devil’s defeat by using our weaponry. Remember that Jesus said in Mark 11:23, “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them” (NIV). God wants you to be an overcomer. He didn’t say you should dwell on the size of the obstacle. He loves you and has compassion on you in the midst of your struggle to change.

Let’s look at the process of change. There was a man in the Bible called Naaman. He was the commander of the armies of the king of Aram. He was a valiant soldier, but he had leprosy. There was a girl who had been taken from Israel and was forced to serve Naaman’s wife. She told her mistress that if Naaman would go see the prophet, he would cure him of his leprosy. Naaman went and told the king of Aram about what he had heard, and the king encouraged him to go to the prophet and sent him with a letter.

When the king of Israel read the letter, he tore his clothes in dismay and said, “Am I God that I can give life and take it away? Why is this man asking me to heal someone with leprosy? I can see that he’s just trying to pick a fight with me.”

But when Elisha, the man of God, heard that the king of Israel had torn his clothes in dismay, he sent this message to him; “Why are you upset? Send Naaman to me and he will learn that there is a true prophet here in Israel.”

So Naaman went with his horses and chariots and waited at the door of Elisha’s house. But Elisha sent a messenger out to him with this message: “Go and wash yourself seven times in the Jordan River. Then your skin will be restored, and you will be healed of your leprosy.”

But Naaman became angry and stalked away. “I thought he would certainly come out to meet me!” He said. “I expected him to wave his hand over the leprosy and call on the name of the LORD his God and heal me! Aren’t the rivers of Damascus, the Abana and the Pharpar, better than any of the rivers of Israel? Why shouldn’t I wash in them and be healed?” So Naaman turned and went away in a rage. (2 Kings 5:7-12 NLT)

How many times have you asked God to remove the same-sex attraction and set you free? We know that He is all powerful, so why can’t He just say the words? I understand. I have been there. I believe that He is more interested in seeing us through our struggle than taking us out of it. There are characteristics of who He is that He wants to reveal to us in the midst of our pain. He did not cause the pain, but He will never leave us or abandon us in it. Often the process can get the best of us. Naaman was given a way out, a solution to his leprosy. How many times has God given us a solution that we didn’t like? For whatever reason, it was not how we thought it should be, and we became angry at God and the process.

But the story doesn’t end there.

But his officers tried to reason with him and said, “Sir, if the prophet had told you to do something very difficult, wouldn’t you have done it? So you should certainly obey him when he says simply, ‘Go and wash and be cured!’” So Naaman went down to the Jordan River and dipped himself seven times, as the man of God had instructed him. And his skin became as healthy as the skin of a young child, and he was healed! (2 Kings 5:13-14 NLT )

Your process will look different than mine. What God is asking of you in your journey to wholeness will be different from what He is asking of me. Don’t quit because the healing pain feels like too much to endure. Isn’t someone who has undergone surgery to fix a physical problem still in pain for a while after the surgery has been completed? In the same way, once Jesus mends our broken hearts, there will be evidence of the work that He has done. It’s a good pain. It’s a pain that will not last. Don’t give up on Jesus. Don’t allow your pride to drive you to turn away in rage like Naaman initially did. Your healing takes place from the inside out, because as I often say, God is not interested in behavior modification, He is interested in soul transformation. Allow the Holy Spirit to work in you. You are already the apple of His eye. Will you trust Him to carry you through? I promise He won’t disappoint.