5 Behaviors for Reaching Success

I have put together some valuable attributes for success that could also be considered learned behaviors.

These five “How-to” tips can be expanded in your life by utilizing mentorship alongside each one. Mentorship comes in various forms from purely observational, quite casual, or very formal. You can be mentored by your favorite speaker by observing, critiquing, and imitating. Also, you can be mentored by an admired colleague through observing, questioning, and shadowing. Or you can ask someone who is successful in your field to formally mentor you. This may include regular meeting times, sharing of ideas and strategies, and much more, based on mutual agreements and boundaries. You could choose one or more types of mentoring, but I highly recommend having a mentor related to your purpose. Mentorship is a valuable tool found in Scripture and utilized in many professions. As you read through this article, think about people you know who already do these things well. Then, begin to observe them and practice their methods.

1) Speak on your Feet

Be ready any time to articulate and communicate effectively.

Jesus had ready answers for true seekers, as well as hostile opponents. He set the precedent for His followers. You need to be ready to speak truth and wisdom in any given moment. The following Scripture describes a scene when the Pharisees intended to trap Jesus, but He turned it around with a ready answer full of wisdom.

 “Then the Pharisees went and plotted how they might entangle Him in His talk. And they sent to Him their disciples with the Herodians, saying, ‘Teacher, we know that You are true, and teach the way of God in truth; nor do You care about anyone, for You do not regard the person of men. Tell us, therefore, what do You think? Is it lawful to pay taxes to Caesar, or not?’ But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, ‘Why do you test Me, you hypocrites? Show Me the tax money.’ So they brought Him a denarius. And He said to them, ‘Whose image and inscription is this?’ They said to Him, ‘Caesar’s.’ And He said to them, ‘Render therefore to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s’” (Matt. 22:15-21, NKJV).

 Paul, one of the great champions of the faith, mastered the art of persuasion; he was always ready to debate, articulate, defend, and communicate effectively to lead people to truth. Jesus and Paul both sought the Father and were diligent students of their trade:

“And Paul entered, as he usually did, and for three Sabbaths he reasoned and argued with them from the Scriptures, explaining [them] and [quoting passages] setting forth and proving that it was necessary for the Christ to suffer and to rise from the dead, and saying, This Jesus, Whom I proclaim to you, is the Christ (the Messiah)” (Acts 17:2-3, AMPC).

Are there times when you are called on to speak or report unexpectedly and you freeze? It has definitely happened to me. Early on, I realized how often I was required to think fast and speak with clarity. I needed to be unconcerned what people would think of me and be willing to mess up in order to improve. I finally developed a speaking method I was most comfortable using. I would use note cards with just bullet points of the highlights I wanted to talk about.

I knew I needed to know my topic well enough to communicate in between those bullet points.

 I learned this the hard way one night at a work event in Minnesota. It was “baptism by fire,” and I remember it as if it were yesterday. The bank I worked at had been acquired by a larger organization, and for several months I worked on the conversion team with executive leadership before I was named the retail banking director. I was asked to speak at a formal dinner to the board of directors and shareholders, providing an update on our work and sharing the results of our efforts. This was a whole new level for me. I had never addressed such an accomplished group of people. Before I went up to speak, I was so scared I was shaking! I had my note cards in hand and was studying them intently.

One of my coworkers saw how nervous I was and came over to encourage me. He gave me some of the best advice I have ever received. He told me not to be nervous but to just talk about what I had implemented to bring results, what I knew we needed to do going forward, and let my enthusiasm and personality come through. You see, he had confidence from observing me day to day to know that I knew what I was doing. He was telling me to speak from my experience, from what I knew, and to what the group wanted to hear. It released me from a selfish perspective, where all I could think about was what people would think of me if I made a mistake in my speech. This changed my life. It also electrified and blessed the audience. I went from being fearful of what people would think of me to speaking on what I lived and breathed every day. All the pressure was removed!

I realized I don’t ever want to talk or do a speech about something I don’t know or haven’t experienced personally. I’ve learned throughout the years to position myself in areas where I’m experienced. If I go to do a job or consult or teach, I develop my knowledge and experience in those areas to a level where, even if I don’t know the exact answers, I know enough about the subject to converse knowledgeably and know where I can find more details if needed. If you’re prepared to be an effective communicator on the spot, you will have an edge wherever you are.

Fill your heart with God’s Word so it effortlessly overflows from your speech, and become masterful in your trade. “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45, ESV).

2) Handle Your Emotions

Your emotions are not good or bad, they just are. Don’t let them rule your life, decision making, or relationships.

Have you been in a situation at work or in a relationship where you let your emotions run away? Then, looking back at the situation you thought, If only I hadn’t said that, or if only I had paused before I sent that email. Emotions are given by God so you know there’s a positive side to them. After all, happy is an emotion! Sometimes when you have emotions of anger or hurt, they are clues that you need to pay attention to and grab hold of the underlying root of those feelings. When you learn to handle negative emotions, your life becomes smoother.

 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor [perpetual animosity, resentment, strife, fault-finding] and slander be put away from you, along with every kind of malice [all spitefulness, verbal abuse, malevolence]” (Eph. 4:31, AMP).

You can create an atmosphere in your home or workplace that is fearful, and people don’t feel they can trust you. This is one of the things for me that’s a challenge. Sometimes I have emotions that are tough for me to grab hold of. What is the key? I had to learn to see things through the lens of God’s Word and the way God would see them. Proverbs 15:1-4 offers us some advice for dealing with our emotions:

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness. The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good. A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit” (NKJV).

Recently I was working with my team on an upcoming event, and when I tested the links and looked at the posts on social media, my team members had not put the URL or the link in properly. So if someone wanted to attend this event, there was nowhere to purchase the ticket with the discount we were offering. I become frustrated by these things because I want work done with excellence. My job is marketing, and to make people aware of events is a major piece of that job. When I found that the link was broken or something was overlooked, my emotions started to rise and simmer just below the surface.

Thankfully, maturity and wisdom have taught me to keep those emotions intact and view them correctly. I was able to get all my thoughts out in an email, but before I sent it, I went back and reread it, realizing I was not very happy with it, so I softened the language. My emotional state while putting the email together had not been in a positive place. Thinking about the recipient during these times can help us consider how our words might affect that person. It’s a lot easier to back up, soften things, even stop myself, and ask, “What is the worst thing that can happen with this?” Emotions can cause you to see things much bigger, worse, or more impactful than they really are. When you learn to handle your emotions, it helps you understand why you’re feeling the way you are.

When God gives you people to steward—your children to parent or your husband or wife—He is entrusting that person into a relationship with you. You have a responsibility to care for and protect those under your leadership. If you’re to become eligible for more responsibility, a larger organization, or more people reporting to you, one of the things required is to keep your emotions intact. Unhealthy emotions can cause issues in your place of work, in your home, or wherever you are.

“Therefore see that you walk carefully [living life with honor, purpose, and courage; shunning those who tolerate and enable evil], not as the unwise, but as wise [sensible, intelligent, discerning people]” (Eph. 5:15, AMP).

3) Handle Criticism

 It has no authority except what you give it.

This one is a challenge, isn’t it? We never enjoy having other people tell us what we’re doing wrong. I like to think I do everything right, but in order to be successful, lead a business, grow your sphere of influence, or manage employees, it’s important to learn how to handle criticism. There are two kinds of criticism—positive and negative. We must realize which type of criticism is coming our way and handle it appropriately. “If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding. Fear of the Lord teaches wisdom; humility precedes honor” (Prov. 15:31-33, NLT).

Let’s talk about positive criticism, which is designed for your benefit. One of the first questions to ask yourself is, “Am I open to feedback? Am I open to someone suggesting a better way or recommending an adjustment?” To receive positive criticism, you need to trust the person giving the feedback: “It takes a grinding wheel to sharpen a blade, and so one person sharpens the character of another” (Prov. 27:17, TPT).

You can probably relate to situations that Dave and I find ourselves in once in a while as newlyweds. We were in our backyard a couple months ago, and I wanted to be helpful. I decided to empty our swimming pool scupper that was full of leaves. I had taken care of our pool in Minnesota and was accustomed to doing it a certain way. I was quite proud of myself for pitching in. As I began to remove the basket, Dave made an “observation” on how it should be done—oh yes, you know where this is going.

Apparently, there’s a way to do it that keeps the leaves from getting into the pump. I was wondering why this wasn’t a problem with my pool in Minnesota. I was only trying to help! It seems like a little thing, but my emotions registered from threatened to annoyed. Thoughts began flying madly. What? Do you think I don’t know anything? I’ve been doing just fine for longer than I can remember. And on and on, spiraling down from there.

Knowing the heart of the person, along with his or her character and value shown for you, can help prepare you for feedback. I really didn’t like what I was hearing, but I know my husband is all for me. Once you get straightened out in your thinking, you’re able to hear the criticism or suggestion not as negative but positive. I realized that Dave just loves me so much, he wants me to be able to do this better. Matthew 18:15 tells us, “If your fellow believer sins against you, you must go to that one privately and attempt to resolve the matter. If he responds, your relationship is restored” (TPT). It’s important how you handle suggestions and how you’re able to view them. We need to remain open to positive criticism and feedback, which may require us to do things differently.

 Now, contrast the above description with negative criticism. There are times when people give us feedback or criticism that’s only meant to harm or mislead us. “And never let ugly or hateful words come from your mouth, but instead let your words become beautiful gifts that encourage others; do this by speaking words of grace to help them” (Eph. 4:29, TPT). This type of criticism you and I are not required to listen to or heed. If there’s someone being critical of you—we have all experienced someone saying something untrue or unkind—bring it to the Lord in prayer. I will ask God if there’s something I need to listen to, as much as it hurts. But when a person is carelessly saying something to hurt me, I have no obligation to consider it.

In this day of social media, people are quick to criticize and slow to consider consequences. If you’re being criticized outside the boundaries of your well-being, just let it go. I hope this helps someone who has grown up thinking you have to consider every bit of criticism you hear, listen to it, and blame yourself. That is not the case. Determine if it is positive and if the person giving you feedback actually wants you to succeed and to help you, even if that person is pointing out something you did wrong or that you need to do differently. Or is it negative feedback from someone whose criticism is designed to hurt or discourage you and push you off track from what God has called you to do? Being able to handle criticism is crucial.

Remember, there are two kinds of criticism:

POSITIVE (constructive) criticism—designed for your benefit

NEGATIVE (destructive) criticism—designed for your ruin

Know the difference. Accept the positive, and set aside the negative.

4) Conquer Worry and Pressure

Working out of your purpose brings confidence and freedom from fear.

Problems are an opportunity for success. I know that seems cliché, but it’s a way for you to exercise faith in God. When problems show up, instead of worrying or stressing, you can be disciplined to give the situation to the Lord. Find Scriptures that minister to you in that area, and release it to Him. He is able to move in grace to solve issues and resolve problems.

Can you imagine getting to the point that every time a problem arises you say, “Yes! This is a great opportunity for me to work through my faith and see success.” Well, that is God’s will for us. “Let your heart be always guided by the peace of the Anointed One, who called you to peace as part of his one body. And always be thankful” (Col. 3:15, TPT).

There are two keys in this Scripture to avoiding stress and worry. First, ask the question, “Is this what I’m called to do? Is this my purpose, or have I wandered into something God never asked me to do?” If that’s the case, no problem. Just seek Him on how to fulfill your commitment, and then get back on track with your purpose. But the other key here is to be thankful. When you express thanksgiving in the midst of trouble, you can know that God is going to bring peace. “They will not live in fear or dread of what may come, for their hearts are firm, ever secure in their faith. Steady and strong, they will not be afraid, but will calmly face their every foe until they all go down in defeat” (Ps. 112:7-8, TPT).

Your heart can be steadfast until you see His desire upon your enemies. Sometimes we think our enemies are people, but the Word says we don’t fight against flesh and blood but powers, principalities, and the rulers of darkness. Enemies are anything that comes against your peace or ability to fulfill God’s will. Your enemy might be a health issue, a challenge in your finances, a pattern of thinking, or your emotions. But this verse tells you to trust in the Lord and rest in Him, and you will be stable, steadfast, and see the Lord work on your behalf to overcome your enemies. Isn’t that good news?

When I feel fear, stress, or anxiety, I remember this verse and speak it out loud, inserting my name: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Tim. 1:7, NKJV). The Word of God is a weapon for us to use. We can speak it out. If I can’t speak it out loud, I think and meditate on it. But when stress, fear, and worry come, you need to stand against it with the Word of God, seeing things through the lens of God’s Word. Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” (NKJV). The word direct means “to make straight and right.” This is a wonderful verse. If you’re facing anything that’s attempting to cause stress or anxiety in your life, trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding.

Leaning on your own understanding could include analyzing a situation in the natural, reading the news, or focusing on something negative. But it doesn’t necessarily mean to disregard those things. It means don’t base your decisions on them, and don’t exalt those things over the promises of God. In all your ways, you are to acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path. Even in the midst of something very difficult, you can say, “Lord, I’m stressed right now. I’m feeling anxiety and pressure. But I choose to acknowledge You and turn the situation over to You.” I do this quite a lot.

I have learned this lesson over and over and over, especially when trying to make something grow. I release it to the Lord, after saying, “Is there anything else I can do?” He’s more than happy to bring the increase. I also ask Him, “Is this going to be okay? Is there something I need to be concerned about here?” And almost every day He says, “It is going to be fine. Do not worry about it.” I can hold on to that word from Him. I won’t worry about it. I can put my faith toward it and take the pressure off of myself, putting it back on the Lord, who can handle the pressure and who will fulfill His promise. “And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” (Matt. 6:27, ESV).

 If you have something on your heart you’ve been worrying about, I want to encourage you that if God has promised it, He will perform it on your behalf. Everything good is from the Father, so just release it to Him. And you can even speak out loud, “Lord, I am releasing this to You, and I’m trusting You to bring about the results promised in the Word. I thank You and honor You for it. I’m going forward stress free.”

5) Be Decisive

Sometimes any decision is better than no decision. Indecisive leadership is discouraging.

Sometimes any decision is better than no decision. James tells us that a wavering or double-minded man will receive nothing from the Lord.

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double[1]minded man, unstable in all his ways” (James 1:2-8, NKJV).

There are times when you might doubt, but when you’re decisive, you can trust the Lord with your decision. If I’m thinking about something and wondering, Am I wrong? Am I right? I sought the Lord, and I felt this was the right direction to go, but now I’m not sure. If I start wavering, where is my faith? It’s in myself—my abilities to accomplish it on my own—and not in Him.

 What if, as a leader, you have given your team a decision? You said, “Let’s go in this direction,” but then started wavering and waffling, being double minded. Your team members don’t know what to do. If you don’t give your team solid direction, it undermines their confidence in you and in themselves. They don’t know what to do to be successful. In this situation, I believe that God doesn’t have a pathway to come in and help you move forward. God doesn’t call you to never make a mistake. He didn’t say, “I’ll bless you as long as you act perfectly,” or “I’ll give you favor and bring you increase as long as you never make a mistake in judgment.” That’s not what He says.

If you seek God and do the best you can, His grace is sufficient. He is able to steer a ship that is in motion. It will give those who look to you for leadership a decision to follow and be successful. Be decisive. Indecisive leadership is discouraging. Decisive leadership is encouraging and instills confidence in you and your team.

ACTIVATION

Does your preparation time include studying God’s Word and seeking His voice? Do you make time to learn more about your trade?

Practice harnessing your emotions. What is your EQ (Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient)? Are you able to face challenges without responding emotionally to those around you?

Think of times you have had both positive and negative criticism. What were the results of each, and how could you have responded better to each?

Stress is simply worry or fear. How do you get rid of stress? How do you view problems?

Can you think of a time you had indecisive leadership? How did it make you feel? How did it affect those around you?