How Philip Renner’s Mom Inspired Him

I remember when I was a young boy watching how my mom would fast.

We would be sitting at the dinner table and I’d ask Mom, “Why aren’t you eating?” Her reply would be a simple “I’m fasting.” (Note: Mom was teaching me a biblical principle, not bragging about her fast.)

 At the age of ten, I didn’t really understand what Mom’s answer really meant, so I just thought fasting was weird. I had the idea that she was super-spiritual and that fasting was something super-hard to understand. I often wondered what happened in the room when she shut her door to pray. What encounters with God was she experiencing?

Although I still thought fasting was for the super-spiritual, I realized that there was something special that happened with God when a person fasted, because when my mom would finally come out of her room after reading and praying during her fast, there was just something different about her. To me, fasting was mysterious—but there was something beautiful about that mystery.

 I remember a time when I asked Mom, “What is fasting?”

She simply replied, “Instead of eating food, I spend time with God. Time with God is more important than food.”

 I still thought fasting seemed weird, but something intrigued me about the idea. Of course, now I know the Holy Spirit was drawing me. I put that thought about “loving God more than food” on the shelf, believing that one day when I was older, I’d come back to it and then I’d be “super-spiritual” too.

Revival Is Sustained by the Word

When I was 13 years old, I remember a little revival we had in the youth band at Moscow Good News Church. God started moving in our services. During worship in those youth services, I’d fall on my face in God’s presence and just lie there.

Those services were really the first time I felt the tangible presence of God. He was doing something powerful, but it seemed to me it had a lot to do with the worship band. When they played, Heaven would fall down!

I wanted to be closer to that presence, so I joined the worship team. I couldn’t play any instrument, and I could barely sing, but I definitely had a merry heart and a desire to be close to God. That was it.

I remember coming to rehearsal and, to my surprise, the same presence that was in the room at youth service was there at rehearsal. It was so powerful to me. Then the realization hit me: They’re not rehearsing—they’re worshiping! I found myself on the floor, crying out to God, “Lord, use me! Show me what You want me to do with my life!”

I cried so much during one rehearsal that I actually lost my contact lenses. The presence of God seemed to grow thicker and thicker at every rehearsal. As the band would rehearse, people who were walking around in other parts of the church would be drawn to the presence of God filling the room where we conducted rehearsal. They would worship with us and call their friends to sit in rehearsal as well.

 Within a couple of weeks, it seemed like we had 20 extra people who would just come to worship with us, although they had nothing to do with the worship team. God was moving in the worship team. New songs and new sounds were arising, and it was causing a spiritual chain reaction to unfold.

 I remember when the news of the anointing on the youth services and youth worship team rehearsals reached the ears of our pastor, Rick Renner. I’m the pastor’s son, but I didn’t say, “Dad, come to youth service—it’s awesome!” Other people were talking about it, so Dad decided to sit in on a service. He felt the tangible presence of God just as everyone else did in the room.

After service Dad sat us all down to talk to us. I remember him saying, “The presence of God in this room is so powerful! It’s wonderful to see you all experiencing the presence of God is such a tangible way, but I am cautious about some things happening here.”

We all looked puzzled but were very attentive to hear his next words. He said, “The presence of God is strong here, but it lacks foundation. Your worship must be built on the foundation of the Word of God. You need to be singing lyrics based on the Word of God.”

Then Dad asked the team if they were reading their Bibles. Most of them said no! He went on to say, “You can’t grow in the Lord by living off an experience. Your life has to be built on the Word. The presence of God at your services and rehearsal was wonderful, but it will be short-lived if you don’t start building it on the Word.”

Dad was prophesying! The team continued to live off a feeling in God rather than the Word of God. Eventually the sense of His tangible presence began to grow less and less every service, until finally it seemed like the presence of the Lord was completely gone. I thought what had happened to our worship team was terrible, and it caused me to put a lot of attention on the Word of God. In my personal time with the Lord, I began to study the Bible more than ever before.

This whole experience put a reverent fear of God inside of me. I understood that the Word of God must be a top priority in my life.

My First Fast

 By age 14, I was reading my Bible every day. I was taking notes, and I even had a notepad that had sermons in it. I felt like I was growing in God stronger than ever. One day when I was just going about my activities, I heard God say to my heart, “It’s time to fast.” I was surprised, but I knew God’s voice.

As a family, we practiced hearing God’s voice. We would pray all together and then sit in total silence. Finally, Dad would ask each of us, “What did God say to you?” Then we would go around the table sharing what He had spoken to our hearts.

As a result of this practice, I had learned to hear and recognize God’s voice. So when I heard Him say, “It’s time to fast,” I knew that was the Lord. So I asked Him, “Fast for how long?” He replied, “Seven days on juices and water.”

It felt like the biggest assignment ever had just been thrown on my shoulders. But I knew I had to obey, so I started my fast the next day.

I remember the horror I felt. Everyone around me at the table was eating. They would ask, “Aren’t you going to eat today?”

 I answered, “No, I’m fasting.”

 I felt like no one understood me. My brothers did not get it! My dad just said, “Okay.” The person who cooked and helped take care of us told me how bad it was for a boy of my age not to eat. She said, “You are a growing boy! You need nutrients and protein!”

The only person who smiled when I said I was fasting was Mom. She said, “That’s wonderful, Son!”

Then came the common question: “What are you fasting for?” Everyone in the family asked me that question. Later it felt like all my friends and the entire youth group was asking me that same question.

My reply was always, “I don’t know. All I know is God told me to fast! I don’t have a reason. I don’t know what to pray for. I just know the Lord said to fast.”

I didn’t know much at all about fasting, but I knew that fasting was not starvation and that it was loving God more than food. So instead of eating, I spent time in the Word of God. From my experience in the worship team, I knew my fasting could not be based on emotions. It had to be established on the Word of God. The Word would be my strength.

That week of my first fast felt like the longest week of my teenage years. I was so hungry! So I spent a lot of time in prayer and in reading the Bible. I always felt stronger afterward. But I was counting the seconds for that week to be over. Finally, the end of the week arrived and my fast came to an end. Having no experience in fasting whatsoever, I ate everything I got my hands on!

 The first thing I ate was a stack of chocolate banana pancakes. They were so delicious; I don’t even know how many I ate! Then I ate an entire pizza! Then I had some chicken, and when I arrived home I ate an entire carton of cereal. After all that, I thought I probably needed to eat something healthy, so I ate a salad with chicken. I ate so much that my stomach finally felt as a hard as a brick. I was in pain! Suddenly I had a thought: Perhaps I overdid it a little and ate a bit too much.

 I obviously didn’t know anything about fasting. I had no idea that you need to come off a fast gradually. After eating like a pig, I had to lie down because I felt horrible. But regardless of how bad I felt physically, I knew there had been a shift spiritually. I could tell that something was accomplished in the Spirit. In the natural, I had a horrible stomachache, but in the Spirit I had a sense of victory!

As you fast, you will discover that many times in the natural, situations may look pretty bad; yet in the Spirit, things will have already shifted!

My dad and mom were on a trip at the time, so the next day Mom called me to ask how it went for me as I was coming out of my fast. I told her it went well—that my stomach hurt a little bit, but I was fine. I didn’t want her to know that it was the worst stomachache I’d ever had in my life and that I still felt bad the next day.

As Mom continued to talk with me on the phone, she said, “Philip, I think your fasting did something!”

“Really? What was it?” I asked.

Mom replied, “Your dad had been struggling with making a decision, but yesterday he announced that we are leaving Latvia and moving to Moscow. He said that a boldness just came on him! Philip, I think this is the result of your fast.”

 I was shocked but overwhelmed with joy inside. I felt as though I had accomplished something in the Spirit. I concluded from this experience that fasting is powerful. Although that fast was the hardest thing I had ever done, afterward I felt closer to God—and personally I felt like a champion. It was then and there that I realized fasting was a powerful tool in the Spirit. I was determined to learn more about it.

The Revelation Resurfaces

Ten years after that experience with my first fast, I was the youth pastor in our church in Moscow, Russia. I had 30 teenagers attending my youth group, and I was so excited. I loved every one of them. They were constantly hanging out in our apartment.

 My wife Ella and I did all kinds of activities for the youth. Regular youth activities included picnics, prayer meetings, all-night gatherings, special events at service, concerts, and many counseling sessions. Ella and I poured our hearts into the youth ministry.

 I would regularly spend four to five hours preparing for a message. But sadly, whenever I preached, the youth would laugh at me because my Russian wasn’t the best at that time. It seemed like no one would remember the message. They’d just remember the embarrassing mistakes I’d make speaking Russian.

 I loved the youth and everything about youth ministry, but the youth didn’t like me. Out of 30 youth, I would say half of them gossiped about me behind my back—and most of those were the leaders.

 I honestly didn’t understand what was going on. As time went by, I grew more and more discouraged. Finally, I made the decision that I was going to give up. In three years, I’d seen only one person get saved. It seemed as though I was pouring my life into something that was producing zero results. My dad would say to me, “You’re not building the youth ministry; the youth ministry is building you!”

I held on to that word as much as I could, but it came to a point when I knew I couldn’t hold on any longer. The situation with the youth group and leaders had continued to spiral downward, and I was desperate for a breakthrough!

 I prayed, “Lord, I have entertained them, loved them, and counseled them, yet none of it is working. What should I do ?” In that moment, I remembered how Mom would shut her door to pray as we ate at the dinner table. I recalled how she told me that fasting is powerful and that fasting means you love God more than food.

 I began to study the Scriptures and found that fasting and praying was a powerful combination that caused breakthrough! So I told myself, That’s it! I’m going to fast! I started with a three-day fast.

 It’s important to note that when you start fasting, you should only fast for the amount of time that you have faith for and is reasonable. For example, never attempt a long fast if you have never completed some short ones. Also, consult your doctor before you go on a long fast, especially if you have any underlying health conditions or are taking medications.

 I decided to fast on Sundays, because I didn’t want my strength to come from me at youth service; I wanted my strength to come from the Lord. I knew that if we had a good service, it would not be because of my strength, because I had none. It would be because of Jesus and Him only.

After youth service on Sundays, we always prepared food so that the youth could fellowship. Normally, I would be eating with them, but they noticed I wasn’t eating. When they asked me why, I told them I was fasting. They didn’t understand it and just thought I was weird. (Please understand that I was immature at that point. It is not biblical to announce one’s fast; that is pride.)

I expected the youth to be impressed and to say, “That’s awesome, Pastor! Go for it!” Unfortunately, that was not the case. Instead, they just responded with jokes and more talking behind my back.

I was determined I would not give up fasting to see a breakthrough. Instead, I decided to increase my commitment! So I decided to fast for one week; then I fasted for ten days. Finally, I fasted for two weeks.

With every fast, my desire to fast increased. Yet the young people’s jokes and ridicule behind my back also increased. Not only was I the horrible preacher because I couldn’t speak Russian well, I was the preacher who would not eat— the weird youth pastor!

 It seemed like things were getting worse, not better. I was becoming more discouraged with each passing day. I needed a touch from Heaven. I knew I needed to get away from everything to hear God’s voice, so my wife and I went on a little vacation together. We decided to go to Ella’s grandmother’s house, which was in Ukraine.

Grandma was a strong intercessor. She was also very prophetic. She had prophesied that Ella and I would be married at a time when we weren’t dating or even interested in each other. In fact, we couldn’t stand each other because we were so different! Grandma also knew by the Spirit which people in the leadership of the church would be faithful and who would not.

 Grandma would tell Ella and me, “That person in leadership is dangerous. I’m praying against the enemy’s strategies.”

 We would say, “Grandma, that person is awesome, welltrusted, and very strong.”

 But then through a chain of events, the true story would be revealed. Grandma was always right. She was always in prayer; that was her life. She worked her garden, cooked, and prayed. She was an intercessor.

I knew that if God was going to speak to me, it would be when we would go to visit Grandma in Ukraine. I knew there would be a night while we were there when I’d say goodbye to Grandma and Ella and go just spend time alone with the Lord.

 Now, throughout this whole season, I was reading Jentezen Franklin’s book Fasting and Praying. That book ignited a fire within me and started me on my fasting journey.

While reading that book and praying, I told the Lord, “Okay, God. The youth ministry is not growing. They don’t even like me! The leadership team gossips behind my back. Maybe I’m not the right guy, so I’m ready to lay it down. Show me who You want to take it. The youth like it when I sing, so maybe I should just be a worship leader and forget about being a pastor.”

 In that moment, it wasn’t that I wanted to give up on being the youth pastor; it was that I was really ready for whatever change needed to take place. In my heart, I thought if I wasn’t the right person, I just wanted God to show me who was so I could step aside for that person to step into the position.

 I had humbled myself before the Lord. I had searched and emptied my heart of all selfish ambition. I was no longer asking God to make the youth like me; I just wanted Him to bring the person who was best for them. Through times of prayer and fasting and spending time with the Lord in His Word, my motives had changed and I didn’t even realize I was finally desiring only God’s will to be done His way—for His glory and for their blessing.

I waited in silence for the Lord’s reply. Finally, I picked up a pen and began to write the Lord’s answer as He spoke to my heart: “No, you’re not finished yet! You are pregnant! There is a generation on the inside of you. It’s time to give birth!”

 I was shocked. I had never heard the words “you’re pregnant” in that context. I wasn’t familiar with that kind of terminology in a spiritual sense, but I knew that God was speaking to me.

 So I timidly asked, “How do I give birth to it?”

God answered, “Fast for 40 days.”

 I did not like what I had just heard. I wanted to say, “I rebuke you, Satan!” But I knew it was the Lord. My flesh was screaming, “No!” I thought to myself, I’m not Jesus. I’m not Moses! This can’t be. I have never seen anyone fast for 40 days! Even the most spiritual people I knew had only done a 21-day fast.

 I was freaked out! Still in shock, I told the Lord: “Here’s our deal: If my wife agrees to my fasting for 40 days, then I will do it.”

I came home that night and told Ella what had happened; then I asked her the big question: “Should I fast 40 days?” She didn’t even hesitate with her reply: “If that’s what the Lord told you to do, than you should do it.”

I was so angry—that was not the response my flesh wanted to hear from her! I wanted her to question my decision and to give me excuses why I should not fast. I wanted her to say, “Are you sure you should do that? It will be too hard physically. This will be hard on the family because I enjoy eating with you. Meals together are a part of our fellowship, and if you fasted, that fellowship time would be gone.”

That’s what I wanted to hear Ella say, but her response was simply that I should do what God had told me to do. Then she asked me. “When do you start?”

I had the answer because God had already told me. I had my assignment, but I was scared. I knew that the youth already thought I was a freak when I fasted for just a week. What would they think when I fasted for 40 days?

 Now, I know that as believers we have to be free of the opinion of man, because the only opinion that should matter to us is that of the King of kings. He alone is Lord. But back then I was afraid of everyone’s opinion. The truth is, I was codependent and didn’t know it.

 I wondered what my family would think. In general, they really didn’t understand why I would fast for that length of time, but they said go for it. My mom hid her response not out of fear and uncertainty, but in faith she said, “Go for it, Son!” I could tell Mom was concerned about my health in the process, but she didn’t voice her apprehension. The group opinion was, “I don’t get it, but go for it.”

That was all I needed. I had a word from the Lord to fast, and I had a time frame to do it. So I focused and got to it. I didn’t know it at the time, but this one particular fast would change my life and cause fasting to become a lifestyle for me. Through this one act of obedience, everything in my life was about to change! Almost every year since then, I have continued this habit and discipline with the Lord.

You might not be called to commit to a 40-day fast. But a foundation needs to be established in your life to see breakthrough take place as the result of fasting as the Holy Spirit leads, whether it’s a one-day, a three-day, or an even longer fast.

 My “Make or Break” Moment

I can look through the years and see fruit from every fast that launched a different season in my life. Through it all, God proved that He is faithful, and He is an excellent Teacher. Let me share some of what the Lord taught me in that first 40-day fast.

I was following the Lord’s specific instruction to me, which was to fast 40 days and to “give birth” to the generation inside of me. All I knew to do was to draw near to Him and give myself to consuming His Word while yielding myself to Him in prayer and in worship.

 During this particular fast, an idea began to take form in my heart that I continued to pray over. The idea was to end our approach to youth ministry as something separate and to make it simply a service conducted for the youth and run by the youth with their type of format as the youth would do it—but anyone could attend. We already had three services at Moscow Good News Church each Sunday, so this youth service would be the fourth.

 The more I prayed, the stronger and clearer this idea became to me. I shared my thoughts about it with my father, and we discussed it. I told him that I had been praying and fasting about it. He knew it was not an idea that I had just come up with on my own. I had prayed and fasted, holding it before God.

So my dad responded, “All right. If you believe you have a word from the Lord, go for it. This will either make or break the youth ministry, and you’ll have to live with the consequences.”

I said, “Okay.” I was ready to do that because I knew I had heard from the Lord.

When the day arrived, I was a little nervous. After rehearsal, I walked down the hall ten minutes before I was to conduct our first youth service in this new direction. When I entered the sanctuary, there were five grandmothers sitting on the first row. That was it—no youth, just five grandmothers.

 I thought to myself, Oh, no, I’ve turned the youth ministry into the senior-citizen ministry!

 I turned around and went to the green room. I was so angry, because I thought I had missed it. I was even beginning to think that my 40-day fast meant nothing. Balling my hand up into a fist, I was about to hit the wall—when suddenly I thought, No, that will hurt! So I positioned a pillow on the couch, preparing to pound it as hard as I could—not once but multiple times.

As I was about to land my first blow, less than an inch from the pillow, I heard in my spirit: Moses was told to speak to the rock, but he hit the rock instead—and because of that, he didn’t walk into the Promised Land. If you hit that pillow, you will not walk into your promised land.

Immediately I repented. I lowered my hand, and I didn’t hit the pillow; instead, I fell on my knees and worshiped.

I said, “God, I love You. I don’t care if there are 50 grandmothers out there, I love You. I trust You.”

When I got up and walked into the sanctuary, there were 150 people there—youth and grandmothers! And throughout the weeks and months that followed, the majority in attendance were youth, with just a few older folk mixed in.

 It’s so important not to give up and quit believing—no matter what it looks like! When I saw only five grandmothers sitting there ten minutes before youth service, I was tempted to think my praying was in vain. I was about to act like Peter. He stepped out of the boat onto the water and was so close to walking on the water all the way to Jesus. But, discouraged by what he saw and felt, Peter didn’t make it.

But God is so faithful. He helped me, and I worshiped through to the other side.

That moment when I repented for my anger and discouragement, falling to my knees in worship, was the “make or break moment” for me. It wasn’t the youth ministry that this new idea was going to make or break—it was me.

 Later I remembered that my dad had always told me, “You aren’t building the youth ministry; the youth ministry is building you.”

The Lord taught me an important lesson in that situation. During the fast and even afterward, He was leading me into humility, removing impurities from my character, and keeping me from self-sabotage so He could fulfill His promise to me. An immature, undisciplined outburst of anger cost Moses the Promised Land. A similar outburst could have cost me greatly as well.

Know this: Whenever you come before God and pour out your heart to Him in fasting and prayer, allowing Him to work change in you, that sacrifice is never in vain.

This was the first time the Lord instructed me to fast for 40 days. After that fast, the youth ministry grew from 30 to 150 youth! All the youth leaders who were against me left, and God brought in a completely new leadership team who helped me in the years that followed.

But looking back on that first fast, I realize that it wasn’t even about praying and fasting for the youth. The significance of that fast was for me to gain a truly consecrated heart.

It wasn’t the fast itself that produced these changes. Fasting became the dedicated occasion for me to set my focus intently on God to hear His direction, to receive His correction, and to yield myself more fully to the Holy Spirit. That consecration and obedience is what paved the way for God to move as He desired in my situation.

God is no respecter or persons. What He did for me, He will do for you. If you will choose to honor Him with time and consecration through love-directed, God-focused fasting, you will give the Lord access to demonstrate His faithfulness in your life. And in that process, He will lift off the limits that have hindered you in the past as He shifts you to another level in your walk with Him.