In the Midst of Mental Torment, Jesus Took Me to Heaven!

I was convinced my life was over.

Fear and paranoia had taken me prisoner, and hopeless anxiety rolled over me like a crashing wave. I felt like my head was about to explode. As I lay there crying, thoughts relentlessly bombarded my mind.

A few months had passed after my visitation from Jesus, and I had been diligent to keep my mind and heart filled with God’s Word. Daily, I confessed scriptures over my life and endeavored to wear my helmet of salvation. I listened to worship music, and I chose not to let my thoughts wander off into nothingness. But one Wednesday afternoon, everything shifted. 

All day the mental battle had been more intense as I prepared for my Wednesday night Bible study. I was physically tired, so my energy level wasn’t the best. A couple of times during the day, I had entertained negative thoughts and experienced a few moments of heaviness. I was struggling to keep my mind focused on my lesson for the evening service. Realizing I was under attack, I ceased my study and simply knelt at my desk to pray.

Even though I was confessing God’s Word in prayer, it seemed with each verse I confessed the harassing, evil thoughts became viler and louder. A strange dynamic was occurring. I was praying verbally from my heart and speaking God’s Word, but my mind was pelted with terrible thoughts.

I remember this thought in particular swept across my mind: Just give up and give in. You had a moment of peace, but you will never be completely free. You are not strong enough to remain free. Mental illness runs in your family, and this is your burden in life to bear. This is not demonic. It’s genetic, and you can’t change that.

This might sound hard to believe, but for an instant, that series of thoughts gave me a sense of peace. It’s not my fault, I thought. I am not guilty. I am the victim. For a moment, I was almost seduced into accepting it.

Let me stop right here and tell you that many people have fallen prey to this deception in their battle for the welfare of their minds. There is a deceptive peace and relief that comes when we believe we are victims. Being a victim gives us a legitimate excuse for the situation in which we find ourselves. As victims we are not responsible for the problem, and we are not responsible for the solution. The victim mentality is Satan tempting us to quit fighting for what God has promised us. 

I often meet with people who have taken ownership of their emotional and mental harassment. They see a specialist who diagnoses them with a particular type of emotional or mental disorder. Once they receive the diagnostic label, they begin referring to it as “their problem, their bi-polar, their schizophrenia.” They take ownership, and it becomes their excuse. 

When I have tried to encourage them by telling them that God wants to set them free and they don’t have to live the rest of their lives depressed or mentally harassed, they get angry with me. The truth is, when they see themselves as victims, it removes their responsibility to fight for peace of mind. 

A person’s victim mentality becomes this: God has promised me a sound mind. But if an emotional or mental disorder runs in my family, and my inflicted family members still love Jesus, then it’s okay for me to have this issue and still be a Christian and go to heaven.

No! That’s not truth! It is a device of the devil. I experienced it myself. For a quick moment that Wednesday afternoon, the thoughts of enjoying God’s peace of mind, a sound mind, a mind at rest, and a faith-filled mind gave way to the reasoning that mental torment runs in my family. I entertained the thought that since my family had survived, it was okay for me to struggle with thoughts. It was okay to live with them. 

Suddenly, I realized those thoughts were not coming from inside where God’s Spirit dwells but from the outside trying to get in. This wasn’t God giving me relief or an answer to my dilemma. This wasn’t the Lord speaking to me. This was Satan trying a different scheme.

Satan’s tactic had changed.

He was no longer accusing me, and I was no longer on the defensive. He was now blaming others for my weakness: Mental illness runs in your family. It’s not demonic. It’s genetic, and it’s your burden in life to bear. 

A fraction of a moment passed, and I had realized where the thoughts were coming from and who their author was. I immediately rebuked the devil and his thoughts, and when I did the unbelievable occurred.

Encountering Heaven

Without warning, I felt myself going upward, rising above my chair and then above my desk. I now know what the apostle Paul meant when he wrote about his vision in 2 Corinthians 12:2, saying, “I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago—whether in the body I do not know, or whether out of the body I do not know, God knows—such a one was caught up to the third heaven.”

I don’t know if I went to heaven in my physical body or if it was an out-of-the-body experience. But I do know that I felt myself ascending. It felt as though I was floating in air. I remember saying, “Oh, oh, oh!” as gravity lost its hold on me.

Then immediately I was standing in front of Jesus. It was totally different than when He visited me in the den of my home. The room we were in had no dimensions, and the brilliant colors all around I had never seen before. They were not simply colors on a color chart; they were colors that were alive with life itself—vivid and radiant.

I noticed there was movement in heaven, behind where Jesus was standing and around us. I don’t know if they were angels or saints who were now heavenly residents. I have often thought back and wished I could have hit a pause button and looked around, but I was completely captivated by Jesus. His demeanor seemed different in heaven than when He appeared in my den. It was as if in my den, Jesus was on an assignment—He had come to get something done. In my den Jesus only spoke of what I was encountering, but in heaven He only voiced His love for me. 

Though I had never experienced heaven before, I sensed an unbelievable feeling that I belonged there. It seemed like home. The feeling of acceptance and welcome was a huge contrast to all the lies Satan had been pelting my mind with—lies that Jesus didn’t love me and that I had committed the unpardonable sin.

Jesus had the same appearance as when I saw Him before. His robe was the most brilliant white. His hair was the same length touching His shoulders. Jesus’ eyes, oh His eyes, were the most beautiful I had ever seen. They glistened like a beautiful body of water that shimmers when a gentle breeze sweeps across its surface. 

The very atmosphere of heaven was love. It was as if the air was liquid, and I was breathing liquid love. I felt an energy and life that I had never experienced before. My entire being was alive, and in that life was energy, peace, rest and contentment. If I could have remained in that place and moment forever, I would have been the happiest person ever born. Time and space were no more, and I had no concept of anything physical. The life and energy of heaven is love, and it surges through your being.

In dealing with the death of loved ones who have experienced a lengthy illness, family members will often say, “I wouldn’t bring them back if I could. I know they are in a better place.” I can tell you from personal experience that it is a far better place. The best moment on earth has nothing to compare to the continual life of heaven. I now understand why the apostle Paul said, “I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live” (Philippians 1:23-24, NLT). Paul had been caught up to heaven and had experienced the wonder and splendor of that enchanting place.

The challenge we have in explaining or telling others about heaven is that we have no comparisons on earth. Heaven’s beauty is breathtaking, and the residents don’t live on oxygen. They live and move in an environment of perfect love.

Jesus reached out and took my hands, saying, “I love you, son” and hugged me. When He embraced me, a feeling of purity, supernatural peace, fulfillment, and ecstatic joy surged through me. I remember moaning out loud from the feeling. 

Jesus started to pull away, and instantly, I knew the moment was temporary and wasn’t going to last long. 

“I don’t want to go,” I said.

Jesus replied, “You must go back!”

  I then said to Jesus, “I don’t want to go back.”

“Eddie, you must go back,” Jesus answered. “You must go back for your wife and little boy and for them….” 

Jesus glanced to His side, and as I followed his eyes, I saw a large room full of what appeared to be army cots. Though Jesus didn’t verbalize it to me, I instantly knew the army cots represented fellow believers who had been wounded in the fight of faith. These cots would one day be filled with believers whose minds were being tormented due to the stresses and attacks of the enemy.

Jesus said once again, “Eddie, you must go back for them!”

I don’t know how long I was in heaven, but I remember starting to pull away. I didn’t walk away; it was as if a force pulled me back. Jesus never took His eyes off me. I never took my eyes off Him. Finally, I had been pulled back so far I couldn’t see Jesus anymore. I realized I was back behind my desk, sitting on the floor in my office. 

Needless to say, I didn’t speak that night at church. In fact, my wife, Amanda had to help me walk to the car. She realized another encounter of some kind had occurred and simply drove me home. Three more days of crying took place. A blanket of peace and love covered me like a coat on my shoulders.

Two weeks later, a local pastor friend and I enjoyed a casual lunch together. Following lunch, he asked me to come by his office. I thought he wanted to show me project he was working on at his church, but as I walked into his office, he asked me to sit down. For the next forty-five minutes, the pastor through tears shared with me the war he was fighting daily in his mind. As he said it, “All hell has come against my mind. I am having thoughts I’ve never had before, and I can’t get them out of my mind.” My heart broke as I heard him trying to frame the words to articulate his torment and brokenness. He told me things he hadn’t been able to tell his wife and in no way could share with his church congregation—impure, condemning and self-destructive thoughts.

As I listened to him pour out his heart, I immediately had a flashback of the scene in heaven of the army cots. I knew my reason for having to return to earth.

Now, many years later, Amanda and I have had the privilege of laying hands on hundreds and hundreds of individuals who struggle to control their thought lives. In every conference and service where I teach what the Lord taught me during those visitations and what He continues to teach me now, people line up by the dozens for prayer. Each time I pray for people struggling with torment in their minds, I am reminded of the army cots and the soldiers on the battlefield who are wounded because of mental harassment.

Rogue thoughts and thought attacks are no respecter of persons. From the wealthy to the less fortunate, the famous to the unknown, the intelligent to the academic beginner, the young to the old, we all at times deal with anxiety, fear, and harassing thoughts that try to bully us and bring us down. Satan doesn’t play fair. In fact, thought wars are not battles reserved for grown adults only. We are seeing more and more children seeking prayer as parents bring them to our services, seeking deliverance and peace from mental torment and harassment.

Experts tell us the average person processes between 50,000 and 60,000 thoughts a day. There are 86,400 seconds in a day, so the average person is processing a thought every 1.3 seconds. We also are told that 90% of our thoughts tend to be repetitive. In other words, we think the same things over and over and over. It’s easy to see how Satan can manipulate a person to unhealthy actions if a person thinks painful, anxious, tormenting, ungodly, and unhealthy thoughts 90% of the time.

Satan operates in the arena of thought, but God has promised us sound minds. God also has given us spiritual weapons to protect our minds against the tormenting schemes of the devil. The Lord taught me to take control of my thought life. You can do the same!